Pillars of Maintaining Sobriety

Maintaining sobriety is not a cut & clear journey. Everybody’s experience is different and can look different— though, there are some key pillars of maintaining sobriety— we introduce those pillars and  discuss how each one has worked for us.  

Transcript

 Yo, what's up. Welcome to 12 ounce sobriety podcast. I'm pat sharp here with my wonderful co-host Carson Woodell and Robbie is still out . Um, I think he's feeling fine. Just being careful since we kind of sit in close proximities and kinda looking after us and not to get us, you know, exposed. To say to COVID yeah.

Being a good friend. Hopefully we'll hear him. Uh, his lovely voice later on this week. Once we gotta decide what we're gonna do then, um, Wanna thank everybody for all the support. Uh, find us on Twitter or Instagram at 12 ounces of sobriety or email us 12 ounces, sobriety, pod, gmail.com. Um, things are going well.

I am going to hit five months on Wednesday, which is two days away. Excited about that. I am currently at 119 days. Yeah, baby. Nice. So you're almost four months, almost four months. Yeah. Whatever that math checks out to be in the next couple days, it'll be four months. I think four months is at 122 days cuz there's a couple 31 days in there.

Yeah. Well the last, the last drink I had was on April 10th, so, and today's August 8th. So, and mine was. Mine was, uh, March 10th. So there you go. I don't know if we've ever discussed that we were a month apart, Don. I don't think we came to that realization. Well, we just did. We did. We were 31 days apart. Yep.

Yep. And all. Yeah. And we, we appreciate guys, uh, tuning in. Unfortunately I know we had mentioned having an interview, uh, coming up, but, um, another scheduling conflict. It is what it is, but we are certainly set. Uh, we're set to have that very soon. We're. You know, we're gonna, we're gonna nail 'em down very soon, but we're looking forward to it.

And we still do have of our interview, uh, for a week from now on, uh, Monday. Yes, with comedian Roxanne McDonald, which was gonna be fantastic. We're excited for that. Um, today we're going to discuss, uh, some pillars of recovery. Now, if you Google pillars of recovery, you're gonna come across a bunch of different ones.

Um, these are a few of ours that I think are, are E. To maintaining sobriety. We'll we'll start right out. Um, the first one, maintaining rigorous honesty. I think that's very important.   One big thing is, is you gotta have the support system around you, friends and family or sponsors or your 12 step group, whatever it might be.

And those people you need to be honest with, because if you're lying to them, it's gonna give you a reason or an easier reason to go out. But at the same time, If you think about your family or friends, and you think about maybe what you had put them through while in active addiction, you're gonna have to gain their trust back.

And so the rigorous honesty is kind of living that way to gain their trust back. And, and so they can trust you and don't feel, I think sometimes people get, cause I've heard people say it where they're almost offended that. Maybe their family members don't trust them early on. And you kind of gotta look at it and look back and think of, kind of what you did.

So of the reason why they, they are not as trustworthy as they, they could be. Yeah, I'd be remiss if I didn't say I was a little offended a couple times. Um, you know, when you're in addiction, active addiction, you're the polar opposite of an honest person and it's not, you know, most of the time there's no Mallin intent there, but.

It's a requirement in order to get what you feel is, you know, the most necessary. And it's what you want. You want alcohol, you want the drug, et cetera. So, uh, and you have to lie about it because most the people that, you know, you surround yourself with are not going to support that they shouldn't support that.

So you have to, you know, kind of be manipulative and you have to go behind people's backs in order to get what you want. So I'm glad you said that because yeah, I mean, at the beginning, especially I did get a little offended. I was like, why don't you trust me? But if you take a, well, of course you don't trust.

I lied. I lied my ass off time and time again. No, I'm not drinking. No, I'm fine. Uh, and then I wasn't getting the help I needed. And so you have to be rigorously honest, um, because you're not people aren't gonna be able to support you the full amount. If they don't know fully what's going on, what's going on in your head, the actual cravings that you have, they can't be there for you cuz they don't know how good or bad it actually is.

You know, I remember this was, I don't know, a month or two ago my, I was out golfing on a Sunday and, uh, playing with a big group and pretty intense competition going on and just kind of locked in, get done golfing. I pick up my phone. I hadn't looked at my phone basically all afternoon and I'd like three missed calls and like five texts from my.

She's like, are you okay? Did you rela and I, I just, at first I was like, are you kidding me? And then I, like, I kind of stopped, took a deep breath. And I was like, Hey, she's just worried, you know, like that's okay. So I, I, so I called her right away. I was like, Hey, I, I just didn't didn't look at my phone at all.

Um, I don't know what to tell. And so it was fine. Like I was pissed kind of right. Like. That snap judgment a little bit was right there. And then I, I, you know, thought about it for a second, calm down, but, you know, and, and called her and told her that. And, you know, I try to be open and honest about everything.

And I, I think part of that is part of the reasons we, we do this podcast is about rigorous honesty because we're here telling you. Basically our life stories of before recovery and during recovery. And that's very helpful to me. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, a couple months ago I took a trip to the grocery store.

That was a little bit longer than I, I had intended. And you know, my wife was like Carson, like, what are you doing? Wh where are yet? And when I got home, she was like, you didn't get anything to drink. Did you? And again, that snap reaction, I was like, the hell are you talking about. Like, why would you possibly think that she's like, how can you blame me for thinking that, I mean, you know, back in the day you take a long time to go into the grocery store this whole time.

I thought you were perusing the aisles when really you were drinking in your car. And I was like, yeah. Okay. Like that's fair. And it hurts. It really does. But trust is one of the most important things you can have with the people that you love. And when you, when you abuse that trust and 

when you create reasons for people not to trust you? It, it, it's a, it's an effort and it's a fight to get it back. Um, but it's worth it. I mean, think about, you just mentioned golfing when you. Person that you're golfing with. And there's always a little asterisks by, by their golf score. You know, they, you see 'em drop a ball and they take a couple extra strokes and you're like, I'll put me down for a bog.

And you're like, well, I saw you hit seven times. And then when they shoot the really good score, you're like, Nope, don't believe it. It's the same thing with this. It's like, when you, when, whenever, you know, you, you get into a, you know, a situation. You, you have the choice to either believe you or not, you know, sometimes they're leaning on not believing you because that's, that's the, that's what you created.

So you gotta earn that back. Yeah. And another thing with honesty, I think you need to be very honest with yourself as well. That's one thing I have really came to grips with in these five months that I've been so sober since my relapse. That I'm an alcoholic. I can't drink. I'm not a normal drinker. I've lost my, you know, ability to drink, whatever you wanna call it.

I, I know I have this disease of alcoholism and there are reasons I did drink to the excess that I did. And I have became very, you know, honest and accepting. Of one, those reasons why I was drinking and two, then I am an alcoholic. And if you try to lie to yourself about those things whatsoever, it can quickly spiral outta control and lead you back out.

Yeah. There are all kinds of justifications that we can provide for anything. I mean, oh, I earned this, I had a bad day, this and that. I'm doing well. You know, I didn't drink for 10 days so I can drink this day. I mean, you can create anything in your head in order to get what you want, whatever narrative that is.

You have to be full blown, brutally honest with again yourself, because that's the only way you're gonna, Progress's the only way you're gonna get.  yeah. And another part of that honesty, like, you know, we get, we're super busy with, you know, we did our whole recovery programs, which I'm done with now.

Carson's almost wrapped up, Robbie's completed it, you know, with that, with us starting this podcast with working full time, one of the things that had, you know, and I would still try to go to some meeting. Um, I'd go to at least two a week, but things have been kind of dying down the last few weeks and I would have an evening off finally.

And it's like, eh, I'm just gonna go home and relax. And last week I thought about that, I was like, you know, I can't get complacent. You know, I gotta get, if I don't have anything going off, we're not doing a podcast.  um, I need to go to a meeting. Yeah. Just because, unless I have something else going on, but to, you know, I'm trying to be honest with myself that I have this disease and, you know, as much support as I can find out there, whether it's a 12 step group or working with a sponsor or doing this podcast, or, you know, there are times I just hop on Twitter and get into the recovery groups there and chat a little.

and always reminding myself that treatment will never be done for this disease. It's just different forms of it. Yeah. It's, it's always good to rest, but you don't want to get restless because that's when you have that. I don't know what to do with my hands type of thing. And you're trying to figure out things to do.

And a lot of times you can fit in drinking. It's a perfect opportunity. Another thing to kind of look at with, starting a new life and why not be live your best life and your best life is gonna be honest and not lying to people. Yeah, nothing good comes outta line to people. I mean, even if you get what you want immediately, I mean, there comes the guilt.

There comes the shame. There're constantly having to cover things up and, and create new lives. It's just a spiral. It's this snowball effect. And there's, there's a piece, uh, that you.  when being honest to yourself and honest to others. So pillar number two that we're gonna get to is exposing your secrets.

And a lot of this kind of goes back to that cleaning house episode we did, if you haven't listened to it yet, go back and listen to it, but kind of . Uh, taking an inventory of your life a little bit and you can get into doing some of that working the 12 steps as well.

You know, step four really gets into that and is uncomfortable for a lot of people do, but

really you, you kind of gotta dig deep down. And I was just talking about that. I've really looked at the reasons why I drank. And worked on those, you know, whether I worked in group therapy with a therapist, one on one, um, 12 step meetings worked with my sponsor, worked by talking about it here and about.

And that kind of goes hand in hand with the rigorous honesty about exposing all your secrets. And like Carson said, one of your secrets was. When you would go to the grocery store, you may go real quick and then you would drive around and drink in your car. And now your wife, all of a sudden, she's like, well, that's your old behavior when you take too long at the store and has that reason to question you, but.

you had kind of let her know what was going on in your life and, and kind of some of the, the other things or any kind of anything that might have drove you to drink. Yeah. And, and don't think of exposing your secrets as something, you know, I feel like it could have a bad connotation to it, but I mean, what Cassie, the therapist said, um, a few weeks back, you know, the most powerful words in the English language are me.

And so use that exposure as, as an inspiration to others, you know, let people know what you're struggling with and how you're coping with it, because that's gonna touch other lives. It's gonna touch other people in a very positive way. Um, cuz it's gonna let other people know that they're not alone in it and that, you know, there, you know, we know this already, but there are thousands and millions of people that struggle with something like this too.

And being able to, to foster full transparency. It's brutal honesty and tell and showing people that yes, you do struggle with it, but you're okay. And that you're getting through it and that's really gonna be an inspiration to others. Yeah. And, and some of those secrets can lead to shame. And if you feel shameful inside about something that you're holding onto or allowing to just sit deep down inside that you're not allowing to let it out.

That's a very good chance of, of relapse waiting to happen because you're not dealing with your issues. And that goes back to, you know, why we drink. I think it kind of, all of that goes back to a lot of stuff. We've talked. About what was, you know, the trauma or, you know, anything that could have happened  so just, you know, with. Don't hold onto anything that causes you comfortability inside your real path. It'll wake you up. Yeah, it will. Yeah. And, um, I've, I've had some, well, you know, with my therapist, with other people, I've had some uncomfortable conversations, again, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

It's probably the 18th time. I've said that in our 15 episodes or whatever it is. Yeah. And then I've come right behind. You had said seek discomfort. Yes. And it is uncomfortable. Once you kind of start dealing with those issues, you know, you get those secrets out there and you're a hundred percent honest.

It, you really start to feel free that weight lifted off your shoulders. Yeah. And you're not for me. I don't have, I don't feel that I need to drink to just escape my problems. And I think a lot of that is kind of what happens. Um, , you know, the next one kind of goes hand in hand with, um, all the ones before  you get, you know, you, you release all those secrets and your rigorous honesty and all those things.

And with those secrets, you know, this next one, just kinda let go, let go of.  your past issues. There's a common theme here. There is. Absolutely. And that's one thing I worked with and I keep saying, you know, I worked with my therapist, worked with my therapist, worked with my therapist, but that worked for me.

Yeah. And it's still continue work in progress obviously, but I've learned to let a few things go from the past and I feel a lot better about it, you know? Yeah. I mean, 

um, you see in like, you know, TV shows or even real life, you know, people committing crimes or doing things, uh  um, that they're, you know, that they're very shameful about and it eats them up and they eventually come to, you know, come to terms with it. And they, they admit to it. I mean, when I think about it, that's kind of something that I, I was doing subliminally for quite a long time.

You know, I mentioned in a previous episode, I, I was relieved when I quote unquote got caught. Um, and I, I wanted to get caught and I wanted to be honest, I wanted to, you know, let out expose my secrets, whatever you wanna. Um, because I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't handle hiding the truth. I couldn't handle the shame that I had built up.

I mean, it was incre it was an incredible amount. And again, I was drinking it away and drinking it away. You know, I got lazy, but I feel like it was purposefully lazy on, you know, hiding my alcohol, hiding my, my habits. Um, because I wanted someone, I wanted my wife to figure it out fully. I mean, she already had some inklings.

She already, she was on to me. Uh, there's no doubt. A lot of people were on to me. I mean, in retrospect, I mean, some people were, you know, had no clue, but the people that I'm closest to certainly saw it change in me. They. Um, a lot of my, you know, typical characteristics were just not, they, they weren't there.

My personality wasn't fully there. I was just off kilter and, you know, I wasn't functioning properly. Um, but I, but I ultimately wanted to be exposed and because I wanted to get better and I couldn't handle that life anymore. And speaking of being free, I mean, this sounds cliche, but it's the truth. I've never been freer than I was during that time or excuse me.

Um, you know, you know what I'm trying to say? Um, because I. Yeah, it was, it was a terrible, terrible feeling that I had on a daily. Um, so that was the best thing that could possibly happen to me. Yeah, because you gotta really think we're beholden to alcohol or we were, or drugs or whatever yours is. Ours just have to be alcohol.

You know, I was listening yesterday to the song master of puppets and that song's about classic about addiction, you know, and basically addictions the puppet master. And you are the puppet a hundred. And it, it just makes so much sense. And I used to listen to that song. I never really thought about what it was about, but now, you know, I'm sober.

I'm like, well, that makes a lot of sense. And so just letting go of the fact that alcohol doesn't control my life anymore. Yeah. Well, it's funny, you know, we. What, what was that song that you played recently? Uh, uh, sober by tool. Yeah, by tool, you know, all these bangers that, you know, we grew up with. I mean, maybe some people knew what it was referring to, but a lot of times it's just, it's just good to jam to.

Right. But then you go back, especially after, you know, getting sober and you look at these lyrics and you really see what they're trying. A lot of these artists are. Talking about real life issues. And a lot of it has to do with this sort of thing, you know, addiction and, and them struggling with it. And that's kind of their exposing their secrets in a way they're, they're letting their, you know, their trauma out via music mm-hmm , um, which is a wonderful way to do it.

but it, it's very interesting to look back. And like you just said with the master puppets and you look back and you're like, wow. I mean, even these rock stars, I mean, it's no surprise, but they deal with like crazy. Yeah. Alcoholism or addiction, uh, drug addiction doesn't has no face. It has no, it didn't care who you are.

Yep. At all, didn't care if you're successful or rich. And famous or homeless or, you know, it, it doesn't care. You can, you can be flipping burgers at McDonald's. You could be the CEO of fortune 500 company and everything in between. Yeah. And about letting go. It, it has helped, you know, not have those built up emotions inside.

One of the things that we talked a lot about, and when we have Cassie on again, this is one of the things I do wanna talk to her about. You know, she talked about our emotional responses and how our emotions. How we feel emotionally, a lot of our emotions trigger either our flight or fight reactions that we are, you know, our brain is based on because if you think about, you know, us as humans a thousand years ago, where there's a lot more danger than there is now.

And so a lot of that fight or flight kicks in and. When that was happening before we were choosing to drink. Mm-hmm  instead of either of those.  But letting go of emotion, I mean, you're still going to have emotion, but dealing with those, you know, it's normal to be happy.

It's normal to be sad at times, but. Not to be irrationally sad or for something very small that might have happened because our emotions were very irrational when we were an active addiction. I know mine were, yeah. I mean, being sad and feeling all of these, um, you know, depressed or lonely or, you know, whatever, feeling the blank feelings, those are necessary for happiness as well.

Because if you think about it, if you set the bar so high or at least attempt to, you're never actually gonna be fulfilled, you're never gonna be happy if you don't. The opposite side of the spectrum, if you don't feel those feelings. And what we were doing was juicing our bodies every single day with alcohol to try to get this happy feeling.

Well, eventually you can't reach that happiness. You know, we were in such a, a lull, such a black hole of, um, of alcohol. It, it was ridiculous. And, and we couldn't even reach this, the abstract happiness that doesn't exist. And so being able to feel those feelings really does, you know, it, it helps. With feeling the feeling the good, I, I could have said that better, but you know what I'm trying to say?

Well, if, if you go back to last episode, when we had discussed the book, alcohol explained by William Porter, he really gets into the psychology behind addiction and with alcohol and everything that alcohol does to your brain. And it really creates kind of false emotions in your body, especially when you're an alcoholic.

Your body is just running off of these , um, chemicals and hormones that your body's overproducing to counter effect the alcohol. So your emotions are, are truly not real, almost to an extent. . And so, you know, when you get sober by kind of letting go of some of that stuff in the past, you can truly let your emotions balance out and become a happier person overall, or at least a more well balanced person.

I felt like a NIS while I was drinking. I, I felt like there was no meaning to anything. I, it, it was all gone and I hated that. I mean, it was the worst feeling. Um, you know, there's all kinds of, you know, sayings or lyrics or whatever, it's, you know, better to feel pain than nothing at. As a luminaires lyric.

It's my favorite artist. Um, but, but seriously it's true. And, and feeling nothing is an awful feeling. Yeah. And mine was like I said, I was just kind of going through the motions of life, you know? So kind of the same thing, like there was just no meaning to anything. There was no meaning to my life. It towards, you know, the last couple years it was just work and drink and that was about it.

And yeah, you were the puppet. Yeah. The pawn. I don't wanna be a pawn. I wanna be a king

 And so with that is a good transition into another pillar, realize that you are not alone. I think one of the things that's really.  I've learned that I didn't realize before when I was out in active addiction, the actual recovery and sobriety community that is out there.

Mm-hmm, , it is large and in charge and proud. And it is amazing. Again, whether, you know, I've talked about this in a meeting, uh, this weekend I was talking about accountability.  on, in one of the meetings I hosted and, or chaired. And I, I talked about, you know, the community aspect of the, the home group I have and the club I go to and the meetings itself.

And it's just one big support system that allows you, you know, to feel not alone. Yeah. I mean, even if you're not perpetual drinkers, like pat and I were, there still is a large struggle with alcohol to some extent, um, you know, we've received plenty of messages from listeners that, you know, they might not drink too often, um, you know, occasion wise, but once they pick up a beer or a glass of wine, It's over and they are drinking until they drop, you know, and that might turn into drugs or it might turn into hookers or, or you name it and it's not good.

And so there are a lot of issues with alcohol other than, you know, maybe just drinking every day, but, you know, and then some people struggle with the problem of, you know, I can't do this without alcohol, you know, a major work event. It has to calm my anxiety. So it is the, the issues with alcohol are very, very widespread and.

You are absolutely not alone. And when I walked in day one to the, to the treatment center, I had no clue that pat and Robbie and the whole other squad was around the corner and what was about to happen. But I felt very lonely. I mean, I had my wife next to me. I knew I had my family. I knew I had my friends, but being in that state, it was terrible.

I mean, like I said, it was humbling. It was, um, you know, I felt, I felt very unworthy and like I was the only person on the planet. Had been completely abusing alcohol in every second of every day that I could possibly get turns out. That's not true at all. It is. It's completely global. It's everywhere. And you got tons of people ready to have your back and ready to do this thing with you.

Cuz a lot of people have been there and it's not a good thing, but it's a good thing to know that. And to know that people are there. Yeah. You know, I never expected that I would. It. I remember my first day in treatment and sitting down for a lecture, our first lecture, you know, we would go three nights a week, three hours a night.

It would be split up half lecture than half of we'd split in into groups and have a processing group. And I don't know, there's 15, 20 people in there and it's like, alright, I, I wanted to get help and go through treatment. I didn't realize the community of support.  of the other people sitting in those chairs as well.

And early on, somebody had talked about somebody had been through the whole program and had been sober over a year, had came in and talked to us and told us about it and brought up about, you know, the group that they had went through and how good of friends they all are. And. They text each other still.

And I just was kind of like, oh, okay. It, I don't, that's not gonna happen with me. And sure enough, here we are. And we've talked about this many of times about the, the group that we have as far as text groups are people that we talk to on a daily basis, you know, Carson and Robbie and myself doing a podcast together, or even, you know, the ability to sit down with a therapist that we had all worked with.

And do a full interview on it's just, it's incredible and it's powerful. It, it, that support system that you can find. Is very, very helpful. And we all come from all different backgrounds. None of us had, we met outside of there. Let's say when we were out all out in active addiction stuff, maybe not have connected at all.

Whoever you put us in there, we're all working towards the same goal. We all come together. Oh yeah. I it's the same thing with, you know, you don't necessarily choose who you work with. You don't choose who you go to school with. It's the same deal. You're, you're there for one reason and one reason alone.

And you find that connection within each. And it all blossoms from there. I hate to admit this, but being brutally honest, you said, you know, I didn't plan on making friends or, you know, da, da, da, da, da, with this group. Absolutely. I, I absolutely did not think that what am I gonna be in a text group with a bunch of alcoholics, a bunch of weirdos.

That's not me. No, I am. I am this one. I I'm better than these people. I'm gonna get, I'm gonna do my time. These guys are a bunch of drunks who probably don't have any aspirations in life about now. It wasn't that mean, but you get, my point is, yeah, I was just, I, I, I made a, a snap judgment on everyone and I didn't even know them.

And that is it's my fault. And I was completely wrong, cuz guess what? I was there too. Well, you gotta think when we enter treatment, you know, when we're a few days sober, we're still these, you know, entitled self-centered assholes. Mm-hmm  down deep down. Oh yeah. For basically what we've done. And, and I've gotten into this about other episodes where that's one thing that's really changed about me since I've gotten sober is I don't judge anybody at all anymore.

Yeah. Because. I never know what somebody else has been through and I know what I've been through and I know my struggles and I know the hard work I've had to put in and I don't know other people's positions and I'm not gonna judge them, but there was somebody that is in our tax groups. And, um, we text me and him text, uh, just me and him sometimes about stuff and consider him actually a true friend.

I remember early on, I had said something, I thought he had kind of given me a dirty look and I was like, oh, I think this guy hates me. And. I it sure it, I don't know, maybe he thought I was annoying or something, or he had that same feeling. I did like, I just need to get through this and here we are. Good friends now.

Yeah. It's, it's crazy. That same person. I actually thought the same thing. I don't know if I ever told you that, but I, I kind of picked him out, like, all right. I don't like you. And it's hard for me not to like people, if you know me at all, I like just about everybody, but you know, I, I just, and now he's one of the he's he's hilarious.

He's a great, great person. And we're we're boys now. And it's just funny that we both had this quick judgment on him and, uh, we were completely wrong. I'm hoping he'll text us when he listens to this and be like, were you guys talking about, Hey, I, I hope he, I hope he knows it's him. He probably doesn't.

But, um, it'd be funny. 

This is a little outta left field, but. I have a, I have a strange addiction to the show. My strange addiction. Have you heard that show on G I, I have not. You need to watch it it's if you ever seen it. It, it is very funny, but it's also sad at the same time, but it, it is literally what it, what it is. And it's, you know, people that have very obscure addictions, you know, eating, uh, eating Kleenex or, you know, or hand sanitizer or what?

Oh yeah. There's a guy who's, uh, in a, in a relationship with a roller coaster and it's it's good television.  even that like, I've watched it since and before. You know, I have tried to change my mindset as a form. Like what an idiot. I mean, literally like you're eating a couch cushion, like you gotta be kidding me.

And granted it still is very far fetched. Um, but I, I have some, a little bit of empathy for them because it , you don't know what's going on in their brain or, or what, what happened to them to create that. And I'm just, I was lucky enough. My addiction was something that's very normal. Um, just being honest, like it is very common.

Um, but some people deal with some crazy, crazy shit. And, uh, I don't know. I just felt compelled to say that it's just like, man, I, my empathy is just, it's grown as astronomically. Um, even, even though it's very, very strange, it, it just people did with all kinds of really weird stuff. Yeah. But I think. Deep down, or if you break down those addictions, they all come from the same place.

Exactly. That I'm glad you said that. Exactly. It's, it's, it's a lot of the same mindset. It's just, they were unfortunately, um, uh, they had an inclination to do something much, much, uh, weirder, a lot, a lot less acceptable to society. . Yeah, it, but it they're still covering up things. Yeah. They're still masking something in some port.

. The last one we're gonna touch on today. And we might bring this topic back up and add some more pillars to it.

We'll get, we'll get the ator in, into, uh, the, this few since. Um, the last one we're gonna talk about is remember that you do matter, boom. You know, one of the things that we, we talked about, it kind of goes back to the one before of you're not alone. And, you know, there's this huge community of support out there because the reason there's huge community out there, I, anybody that listens to this podcast has struggled with addiction.

I want them to be sober. And I want them to live their best life. And that's one of the things I think that's great about being in the community, especially if you're going to meetings and at 12 step meetings and you talk to people that have been in sobriety, uh, for numerous amounts of years. One thing that I've really learned is, you know, the happiness that can come along with being sober and a truly meaningful life that you can live.

we were talking about this just a few minutes ago, about how you were kind of living that, you know, nothing matters. It felt like in life and that included my life. You know, I was just going through the emotions and once you get sober and you clear your head out a little bit, you realize there is a lot of meaning to life.

And there's a lot of meaning to me as a person. And I'm really starting to discover that now. And it's a fun process of kind of rediscovering who you are. Yeah. I'm not a huge believer in, it was meant to be or fate or anything like that. But I am a believer that we are definitely here for a reason and, you know, things just happen.

I mean, there's chaos and, and randomness all day every single day, but you gotta find the meaning. You know, it's not just gonna come to you. That's my person. Belief is, I think it's up to us to be able to find meaning in life, to create a life that is wor that has purpose in it. And when you, when you look at addiction, I mean, that is it.

That is a one way ticket to leading a very Luke warm, if not poor life in, just in general. But, but if you're able to push that aside and make an effort to touch other people. Um, that's metaphorical, not PHY, not physically, and to really share and, and show a light to other. Um, it it'll be worth it every second of every day.

See, I'm gonna disagree with you slightly. I knew you were going to because I saw your face. Yeah. I believe that if you're living a wholesome, good life where, you know, especially in sobriety and you're doing some of the things we've talked about, you're rigorous honesty. You're not holding back secrets.

You're letting go. I'm a firm believer. Everything kind of happens for a reason and you're going to be led into something that you were meant to do. And whether that's even becoming part of a home group and being there in, you know, six months or a year, you know, continuing to go on to these meetings and, and helping a newcomer comment that has a, a horrible addiction.

And helping them stay sober and saving their lives that way, whether it's working those 12 steps and becoming a sponsor yourself, sometime it could just be showing up to the meetings early and, and making the coffee for everybody else. There's so much that can kind of go into having some meaning when it comes to sobriety and you never know where that's going to lead you.

And so I am kind of a firm believer of just living life. I think it should be as a good person and honest life and things will come to me. Thank you for being rigor, rigorously, honest with me. And, and no, that's a very good point. And I'm glad you, you shared your views on it because here's the thing is regardless of what you believe and what your viewpoint is on that.

the same outcome for what we both just said is the same. It you're. Yes. Yeah. It, which is the beautiful thing about it. So whether you believe that it's, you know, there's already a meaning there to be had, or you create it yourself or whatever does not matter what matters is leading a life of purpose and not in an addiction.

It's gonna, it's gonna, it's gonna be great every single time. A hundred percent. Yeah. Bad. A thousand nobody shows up to treatment or, or is trying to get sober or an early sobriety right now, because your life was just amazing. While you were out there drinking or doing drugs. I was partying too hard and having goo good, too good of a time.

Yeah. That I needed. I too happy. Yeah. That doesn't happen. And nobody that's went back out there and relapsed has, you know, called us all up and said, it's so much better out here than it is sober. That doesn't happen. Still waiting for that text. Yeah. It's not coming. I can assure you that. So that's kind of something to think about is.

We know our life sucked and was miserable before. And, you know, William Porter talked about that a ton in our book, you know, and you're living this miserable life. Your life is unmanageable, which is one of the first steps. And so again, kind of coming back to it, you get sober, live your best life. Think good things are going to happen to you.

If you are sober and you're living your correct life and, you know, Lean on a higher power and whether, if you're not religious, then, then don't, but still live a clean and, and sober life and, and work the steps they have, you know, even 12 step programs for the agnostics as well. . And so if you are not a religious person, there are outlets out there for as well to, for the same thing.

Yeah, no, I mean, we, we're gonna continue to say the same things, but I'm glad you brought that up. Cuz I've recently had a discussion with someone and, and he was like, you know, a is just not for me. I. You know, I grew up religious and I'm figuring, you know, figuring my stuff out right now. And I just really don't like the approach that they have, cuz I don't know if I believe in it and you know what?

That is completely fine. There's so many different options out there that you can have that are not that it it's really, you're able to move and shake with whatever you want, whatever you want, whatever that looks like for you. It's out there. And I'm a religious person and my religious beliefs in, I believe that, you know, there's a higher power in.

He has helped me get to where I am in my sobriety. However, if that's not somebody's thing, then that's not your thing. I don't think that I'm the programs I've been in. It's not forced down your throat. And I, I feel like some people believe that it is, and it's not it's for kinda to do what you, you want.

If you go to a, a 12 step program, um, or any program or any community group, their one purpose is for you to be sober. And however that comes,  so whether whatever you believe in or don't believe in, don't let that be a hindrance.

Your sobriety and the reason you're not seeking out community support, because you feel like, well, you know, they're a religious group or something like that. Yes and no, but you don't have to be to join, be a religious person, just. Go check it out, work, you know, find groups, find community support, find, you know, that purpose in life.

Or, you know, if you work towards your sobriety purpose will probably find you. Amen so with that, we're going to wrap it up for today. No idea. What's coming to you for our Friday episode. We'll figure it out though, between now and then. And next week, I know we have an interview lined up next week.

We may have an interview for your Friday episode, kind of gotta figure that one out and we will. Keep some guessing. That's why we get, we get paid the big bucks for this, right? Mm-hmm  I'm sure people are gonna lose a lot of sleep. Wondering what our topic is gonna be. I'm sure too. Anyways, uh, find us on Instagram or Twitter at 12 ounces sobriety pod cast.  email us. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, 12 ounces, sobriety, pod, gmail.com, whatever app you're listening on. Give us five stars. Give us five stars.

Give us five stars, please. They say it helps. I have no idea why, but I guess it does. So please give us five stars, just because we're trying to share this with as many people as we can and help anybody out that may be struggling in early sobriety. If we get 200 reviews of five stars, we'll post a video of pat chugging, a bottle of ho and arrow hot sauce.

No, we will not. Yeah. You heard it first?

No, what I will do though, . If we get 205 star reviews, I will shave my head. That's not funny. Pat's balded he's no, you'll shave. No stop. Save your beard.  yes, I'll shave my beer. I'll shave and I'll have a mustache I'll roll rock a mustache for a week or two. And I'll post a shirtless photo of him with the mustache.

Okay. Fair enough. All right, but we gotta get to 200, uh, five stars on we'll combine apple and Spotify. Those two. All right. On apple podcast or Spotify. The, uh, numbers say, I think we're at like 40 on apple right now. And 25 on Spotify, uh, as far as five star reviews. Okay. And so. 65 total. So you know, 135 to go shirtless mustache, pat, that's gonna be big.

Yeah, I like that. All right. What tell you see what's for 500. Yeah. And so, Hey, it'll be fun. It'll be fun. Let's do that. Appreciate it as always to all the support, all the listeners. And we will talk to you guys next time. Bon Jo Bon voyage. Oh shit. Isn't the wrong thing. Bond Boyage  trying to sound like Robbie.

Bye.