12oz of Sobriety

Interview: Our Buddy Mike

August 19, 2022 Pat, Robbie, and Carson Season 1 Episode 17
12oz of Sobriety
Interview: Our Buddy Mike
Show Notes Transcript

On this episode, we bring on a good friend of ours, Mike, and hear his experience in sobriety— his life in the 80s, his slip-ups and his victories. 

 Hello and welcome back to 12 ounce sobriety podcast. My name's pat sharp here with my awesome co-host. Hello, this is Carson and Robbie may be back next week. So, uh, hopefully we'll talk to him then fingers crossed and having a good day today. If you could go. Our podcast, because five stars subscribe that way you get notifications. When our episodes are available, you can find us on Twitter or Instagram at 12 ounce sobriety podcast. If you have any questions or comments, we'd love to hear from you, feel free to send us direct message or email us at.

 Email us at 12 ounces, sobriety pod, gmail.com. Uh, we're doing another interview today. I think we got some interviews lined up, uh, for the next few episodes. We have a few just kind of giving a break today. We got a great interview with a friend of ours that we'll get to here in just a moment.

Um, things are going well for me though, feeling good. Six months is, is ahead of me. And as long as I can live one day at a time and take things one day at a time I'm excited to, to get there. What's your, what's your day count? Do you know? It's 1 57. Okay. 1 58. I would have to look. That's all good. Yeah, I just was, was curious, but yeah, I'm at well, I'm at 1 29, so that means you're probably at 1 59.

No, then cause I'm 32 days ahead of you. Okay. All right. So I am at 1 61. All right. Sweet. That's awesome. Yeah, and feeling good. I've noticed though, lately that I've been trying to go, if we're not recording, I've been going to a meeting every day, just because I, I feel it when I'm not, you know, I'm trying not to get comfortable.

With my sobriety right now and how I'm feeling. Cause I've been super focused. I feel good mentally and spiritually. And I don't want to kind of let the ball slip away a little bit. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, you have a lot of momentum now and, and there's no, you know, it'll eventually. Uh, you know, kind of come down a little bit, but not in a bad way.

Like you can choose that. And especially when we get towards the holidays in a few months, you know, that'll be time to, uh, you know, unwind and relax and all that. But I mean, right now, like keep doing your thing. This is awesome. We have a lot of good things in the, you know, a lot of irons in the fire. And so there's no reason why we should stop.

I mean, we. We've loved doing this podcast and, uh, from all of the, uh, the feedback that we've gotten, I mean, it's been great. So yeah. And we do appreciate all the feedback that's been awesome. So thank you very much. So all those out there, and I think with that, let's go ahead and, and we'll get to our interview 


. All right. And with that, we introduce a very special guest, a great friend of ours. Uh, his name is Mike Santa Maria. Fantastic friend. Oh, yes. Uh, phenomenal, last name. Uh, you know, it's like the Santa marina, but Santa Maria.

So Mike, uh, we're really pleased to have you. And I think he's, uh, I think he's actually just showing up right now. Hey, Phyllis. Hey Mike. How's. Hey, you did. How are you? How do I do this here? Yeah, just headphones on. Yep. Holy shit. This is cool.  it's professional guys. I'm impressed. Oh, thank you. Don't don't get too microphone.

You wanna be? Oh, about right there. Right here. Yeah. All there he is. You got good. There's a man jacks. I do. I have a lot of rich timber in my voice. Uh, guys, first I gotta say something. I'm so impressed. I really am. I'm I'm in the green room back there, you know, getting my sand P Greeno and your girl back there just really sweet to me.

Oh, oh, oh, what was that? Oh, I just kicked something. It's all right. That's you know, happens. It happens. It's an art, you know, it's, it's a craft. You just gotta, you know, I'm, you're fine. You're learning. I'm I'm I'm Italian. So I'm kind of handsy too. So it's weird. All right. So yeah. St. Pan green. Yeah. . Mike was with us.

And we all met together in our rehab program. It was funny. We had actually joked the other day that there was, uh, in, in a different episode of, I was like, yeah, somebody kind of gave me a dirty look. And I was like, that guy hates me. And that was Mike. And he knew that . He texted us after he goes, are you guys talking about me?

Were you guys talking about me? No. I said, do you guys really hate me or did you really hate me? No, I didn't hate you. I thought never hate me. Oh, from the look you gave me, we never said the H word. That was so weird. I, I was sitting there listening to, to, I think it was last week. Yeah. And. I'm sitting there listening to it going, holy shit.

This, this is, I remember cuz I was, I was always busting on you pat. Just, you know, cuz you yeah, yeah, yeah. You were you you, well, this was like the first or second time I had met you and you just kind of cuz I could be obnoxious at times and I was like, I guess I pushed, pushed him little thought. I felt so bad about that though.

Well, don't feel bad. Um, obviously it's funny, obviously we've all grown into friends now. Yeah. So. We'll go ahead and get it started with, you know, what brought you to treatment and, and kind of started your sobriety journey. And is this your first time getting sober? Yes, it absolutely is my first time. Um, and I, you know, I, I.

I've been a social drinker my whole life, um, never had any issues. Um, and just like, like everybody, I, I grew up in, um, in orange county, California, uh, in the eighties that was when I, you know, graduated from high school and, and, uh, just a phenomenal place to, to be a kid and, and grow up and, and a, in a, a teenager.

And, uh, we had tons of fun. I mean, it was just fun all the time. Something that that kind of happened about, I don't know, 12, 13 years ago, um, which I've, I've come to realize, you know, let me back up. I, my wife would say how, you know, why all of a sudden are we having this issue for the last so many years?

And I did, I said, I don't know, I don't have an answer for you. Right. And. I told her, you know, like we all did. I, I sore up and down, oh, I can take care of this. You know, let me just, you know, I'll, I'll do it myself. And, and of course, time after time after.  I I'd kept, I kept fucking up and it came, you know, and she, she kicked me out a couple times and, you know, and, and that wasn't fun.

And the last time it happened, she, she says, okay, come home. Um, and I'm gonna talk to you. And so I, I said, great. Yeah, I want, I thought I could just, you know, smoother over again, you know? And, uh, she says, no, she says, if, if I want you to stay, if you go get help, you know, you gotta go to treatment. And, you know, we had heard about Blanchard through a therapist that I was dealing with and I said, you know, sure.

Anything, you know, cause I, I love my wife and I said anything and of course. You know, she had everything dialed in. She had the phone numbers and everything and, and made, made the phone call. And we went the next day, which I wasn't expecting. Um, that was stressful. And of course, the day I, the day we came, I had a couple drinks, you know, and, and blew, blew a.

Blew a 0.08 at my, at my, you know, at my, Hey, that's not high enough. Didn't to kick you out though. You didn't know you get breathalyzed, you walked in. I did, I did. Right. It's just so stupid. My wife goes, how stupid are you? I said, you know, I had no idea. I, I didn't know. I was scared to death. First of all.

And she knew I was very nervous. And I, I gotta say though, the, the folks here, um, they, they really were very kind. Um, and they understood. They said, listen, you know, that's why you're here, you know? Yeah. So I, I should have asked real. To lead things up. How many days sober are you right now? 61. Okay. Okay. And that's, it should have been 120, but I had a slip.

Yep. 61 days ago. Um, stupid, stupid move, but we've all been there. We, we understand, uh, now that it's stupid, but you know, I, you probably have a lot of listeners that, that have done the same thing. So yeah. I mean, and to speak on that, like one thing that I've told Mike this, you know, personally, but I was really proud of him because he, he came in, he, he kind of, you know, talked to me about it and he had.

You know, a couple family events, you know, life events that, that hit you, you know, straight in the face and it's tough to deal with. And, you know, he handled it in a very mature way and yes, he did slip, but guess what he did, he showed Ry back up. He admitted his, you know, his, I guess, his slip up and he kept going.

And so that was the greatest thing. And, and I just wanna say, you know, even if you do stumble, you know, a time or two. That's okay. Like we all do it and it was really just, yeah. I was really proud of you, you know, to, to, to see that and to see that play out. And you're doing phenomenally right now. Now I, I think I texted you.

Yeah. Um, you, yeah, you set up a little group text. Did I? Yeah. Yeah. It was a group text. I mean, we, we stressed our group to, well, no, no, no. He got it smaller. It was, yeah. Yeah. Me, you and then one other person. There's four of us that it was. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, but that was awesome, man, because you saw it and you were like, you know what, screw this.

I'm gonna keep, I'm gonna keep rolling. Yeah, it was, it was, uh, but you know, I gotta say that, that your response to me, when I said I, I fucked up Carson, I'll never forget. He texts me back and goes, talk to me. That's all, that's all he said. Right. Talk to me. And I thought, I thought, wow, how, how, how.

Comfortable is that right? Yeah. Well, one thing that we do harp on a lot, one thing I do wanna make clear by us saying like, uh, you know, it happens and stuff. We're not encouraging people to go out and, and slip up. Obviously we're saying, if you do it's, you know, the most important thing is, is acknowledge it and get right back on the wagon.

Yeah. Yeah. There's no need to feel ashamed or anything. Yeah. In that category. Absolutely. One thing that we've been talking about lately a lot is that community of support and Mike. Had just talked about, he had that community set up where he reached right out to us and said, Hey guys, I fucked up and boom, we were there for them.

And how important is that to you to have that support all around? Oh, it's huge. And it it's it's um, it's a small part of, of a big. Complete picture. Right? So here we are. We're we're in, um, in re not rehab, but, um, what do we call it? I call it, I mean, in group therapy, you know, whatever you wanna call it, the official name, it's intensive outpatient rehab rehab.

Okay. So here we are IOP here we are in rehab and, and. You know, we're, we're, we're definitely learning a lot about, um, what alcohol does to the brain and, and you know, why people do what they do. And you got therapists talking to you all all the time and it's great, but that personal connection. That you, that you have that when you make friends, um, it really is something special because it, it it's, it's not like running, telling your mom and dad, you know, Hey, I did this.

It's like telling one of your buddies, Hey, look, I fucked up. You know, and, and, and the reaction's always the same. Hey, what can I do? You, you wanna, you wanna talk about it more? You wanna go to a meeting with whatever. But it was, it was, it's a very important part of it for, for those out there. You, you have to have someone I think that you can reach out to and, and feel comfortable enough that you, you know, you can say anything you want and they're not gonna go, holy shit.

You know, I can't believe he just, he did that, you know? Right. I mean, it's a no judgment zone. And, and to be honest with you, when I got that text, I was, I was thrilled. I wasn't thrilled. Of what happened, obviously I didn't want that to happen, but number one, the fact that, you know, I was a part of your circle that you felt comfortable to reach out to.

I was, I was thrilled to be able to lend, helping hand in whatever way I could. And, um, and that meant so much to me. And, and just the fact that not only that, but also. The fact that you, you admitted it immediately, you owned up to it and you were ready to fix it. And so I just think that it, it just goes to show how strong our community is and how beneficial that is to really anybody.

Um, and, and, and just, you know, it goes to show just how effective that is for people and, and you, we can't take that lightly. And I think the three of us in this room know that, um, but it's a very strong thing. It's a very strong bond that we all. It's awesome for sure. Absolutely. You know, it's funny cuz me and Carson have talked about this quite a bit too.

When we showed up here our first, you know, day or two or even up for the first week or two, I never expected to make the friends. And I was curious if you were in that kind of same good question. I tell you what guys, when I, when I got here,  after my, you know, my first day of, of fucking that all up.  um, I'm like, holy shit.

What am I in for now? Right. And. You know, and you're paying money for this. Right. So, so you're paying all this money and you get here and you see a room full of people and, you know, you have to sort of talk because they say, they go one by one and Hey, say something. And you're like, oh fuck. You know, so what's your favorite TV show, some icebreaker.

And you're like, God. Right, right. So, so I, I wanted to do my time and get the fuck out is what I wanted. Do I really did. I wanted to do my time, but. The first night I was here, we with, we have a friend of ours or her name is Becky. And, um, when I came, she was sitting next to me. And when I said my piece, I forget what I said the very, my very first night.

Um, she, she was so kind, you know, just like everyone else is, but I mean, she was the first one that says, you know, I totally relate to that. And, and that's when I realized holy shit, these people have probably done everything that I've. You know, and maybe then some, uh, you know, maybe they didn't, you know, drive a car 120 miles an hour with some guy puking in it, but you know, you never know, but you'd be surprised.

you'd be surprised. You never know. Well with the window down, you know, and the swirling around and it gets on the back of the car, you gotta ticket the car wash the next day. It's terrific. It was what happened there, like that. Don't worry about it. Yeah. And you know, with the cop behind you watching the whole thing anyway, um, yeah, it's, it's big fun, but, um, I have not heard that story.

You haven't heard that story? No. All right, real quick. It's it's 1989 ish. Right? I was not born. Great. I was four. Awesome. That's that makes me feel good. Nah, nah, nah, you I'm killing it. So, so 1989, uh, when you live in Southern California, back in the day, we used to go to Palm Springs for spring break. Yep.

And a buddy, uh, me and a buddy will call him Brian. And, um, and, uh, he, uh, he and I just went together just two of us to Palm Springs and we just, we, we were having a, just a ball. We, we did karaoke. We did, they even videotaped us doing karaoke. I think we did a Beatles song. Shake it up, baby. Now I still have it.

So here, you know, shake around baby. Yeah, here's a, here's a young here's, here's a young Mike Santa Maria with his buddy, Brian. Right. And we're, we're up. Uh, blow up guitars, you know, and it just it's classic. Right. So anyway, we drank, uh, we, we must have gotten some bad alcohol cuz I don't, I don't have any other reason to explain why we got so sick, but um, yeah, it must have been bad.

Um, it wasn't the amount you took. No, no, no, no, no. Come on guys. Gimme a break, gimme a little credit. You've never over indulged. That's silly. So, so we, we park the co we, I get him out and we go into my car and we just recline the seats in front of a hotel just to, to catch him sleep cuz it was.  and he, he starts getting sick and I'm like, oh fuck.

I, I gotta get this guy home. It's only a two hour drive back to orange county area where we lived in orange county. So we get in the car and I'm, I'm, I'm buzzed, but, you know, I wasn't, you know, I wasn't throwing up or, but I was, I was, I was pretty, pretty buzzed. And, uh, so we're driving. I, I must have been going 110 and, and it was down this, uh, freeway called I 10.

And at this time a morning, there's nobody on the. So I'm, I'm flying all of a sudden, you know, he lean, he he's, I could see he's like, you know, the moves, the head's moving he's he's looking for the he's going like this on the door, trying to find the window. Right? Like he's like, it has a roll thing. No, it's electric dude.

So he, he rolls down the window and I go, what are you doing? And he goes, well, I'm gonna, I go the window's down. And he, blah, he throws up and the we're going 110, the wind swirls, the vomit through the whole car. It's all. Face it's it's it's on my rear view mirror. Right. Then the cop that had been following us for miles, turned lights out, turns his lights.

woo. I get pulled over. I go, I'm going to jail. Yeah. I am going to jail. Yeah. Guy comes up to the, to the window. I roll it down. I said, is there a problem, officer

and he goes, and he goes license and registration. Right. And I said, officer, listen, I, I said, I know I was speeding. He goes speeding. He goes, you're grow 110. I go officer, my friend's sick. Now in the meantime, he's got the door. And he's leaning out vomiting. Right. So I said, I'm trying to get him home. He's sick, you know, must have been some bad mayonnaise.

I don't know. But he, he's just not, well, because I sobered up instantly, right? Yeah. So I'm, I'm talking, you're still cold. I'm I'm I'm on it. He goes, he gives back to my, my license registration. He goes, let me tell you something. I'm not gonna write. And I was, I was shocked. Right? He goes, I think the smell is punishment enough.

Ooh. Yeah, because it's all over my face. It's, you know, and he goes, I'm gonna warn you. There's three more units down the line waiting for you. So I would keep it at 70 what? A guy. Yeah. What a guy, because I was going to jail. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But, uh, that, that, that was, that was something else. That's wild.

I mean, your heart drops just through your entire core. Oh, You're about to shit it out. And then he says, you know, am I write you up? Oh, insane. Ah, insane.  All right. Well, uh, alright, so Mike, so next question. I mean, so we, I think we met, I've known you for about four or five months now and ever since the day I met, you've spoken so highly of your wife. Um, you know, most of the things we talk about, you know, she's involved in a lot of it in, in such a good way.

So I have to know, cause I've never, I don't think I've ever heard this, but how did you meet your wife?

um, You're right. I, I do love my wife for dearly and, um, she's my world. Um, but how I met my wife is a great story. Um, she hates it, but it's the truth. And I'm gonna tell you, so again, it's I knew we dated for, I think four or five years before we got engaged.  and we actually met at a bar in Newport beach, California called hokey bar Michaels.

Okay. It was a cool bar. Saw us on the floor. They had a real tore tape machine, just playing music of the day, which was eighties music. Okay. So it was Duran Duran, Billy idol in excess, you know, all the stuff that I love and it would just, that's all they did. And you you'd get pictures of beer and you'd just sort.

Party and have, have fun. Some people would dance some anyway, so I'm, I'm I'm going out because I had been dating this other girl and, and I dumped her and, and I, I said, I called the buddy of mine, really good friend of mine, Ronnie, Ron. Um, and uh, I said, you wanna go out? Let's go to Ho's. And he goes, okay.

So we go to Hoy's and we're waiting in line. He's always, always a lineup outside and I'll never forget I was wearing, uh, 5 0 1 jeans and a Jean jacket. Right.  in at the top. Call that a, um, is it a Canadian tux? I have no idea. Yeah. That's what they called a Canadian is ITTO that's yeah. It's all denim back in the day.

It was, it looked pretty cool. Right. So, so we're waiting in line. We finally get in and we're sitting down, we get a picture of beer and this, this girl comes up and she goes, hi. And I, and I said, Hey, um, I said, what can I do for you? My friend knows.  and I said, okay, what do you want me to say to that? I mean, you know, she goes, did you go to Sonora?

I go, no, El Dorado high schools. Right? Yeah. And, uh, she goes, okay. And she's asking me all these questions. I said, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope. Um, and so she goes, oh, I said, well, I said, well, how come you're asking all the questions? Why don't you, why don't you go get your friend and Trotter on over here?

That's what I said. Yeah. Trotter on over here. Love it. Yeah. Right. A little arrogant at the time.   Um, so anyway, so, so she brings, she brings over.

My my now wife and very, very pretty. And, and so we start chatting and I I'm in no mood to hook up with another girl. Right. And it finally turns out that we both worked at Nordstrom. Right. And I worked there, she worked there and we went through all that. Anyway, long story endless here, we, we end the night and, you know, I gave her a little kiss, goodnight, and I get her number.

She gets my number, all that. Uh, and I call her a few times and, and during one of these times, I happen to mention that I was going down to Mexico with the boys, right. A group of about seven guys. And every year we'd go down to Mexico, we'd rent a house right on the beach for 500 bucks for a week. Okay.

Operations, nothing. Right. Case of beer was like four bucks and tequila was 75 cents a bottle. Right. So I told her where we're going. And I said, we're going to Rosa Rita beach. Now she's never been to Mexico. Just remember that she's never been to Mexico. So time comes, I go down to the beach first night there we're out on the beach at some bar with all the guys, and we're just trying to meet girls.

And, uh, it was my turn to buy around it a beer. So they had these big wooden pallets on the sand that you could walk on and get to the beer shack. They didn't have a believe it or not. They didn't have a bar in the, in the club. It was just for dancing and music. So I, I, I jump out there and I, I got four or five beers in my hand and I'm, I'm jumping on these pallets back and I'm looking down.

So I don't fall well on, on one of the pallets I jump down and I see this white pair of heads jump down right in front. And I look up and I go, Denise, what are you doing here? Right. And so I'm, I'm excited cuz you know, I just met this girl. And so my friends were pissed cuz I spent the whole time with her.

Right. But then I started thinking about it and I said, what, what are you doing here? And she goes, well, some guys from my office said they were going down to Rosarita beach and did I want to go or I can't remember if she asked them or anyway, so I. I wasn't drunk. Right. So I go, so you came down here. Are these friends of yours?

Well, no, I, I work with them. I go, oh, okay. Do you know 'em really well? No, I said so you came down to Mexico with two guys. You barely know to find me . I said. You did, did you, she goes, no, no. That's what you knew. That's what you knew right there.  and she hates this story obviously, but, but that's what she did.

She had never been to Mexico. She did, she didn't know rose. Rita could have been as big as Mexico city. Yeah. As far as she knew. Right. But, but it's not it's as tiny old. She wanted some mic. She listen, you know? Yeah. It is what it is. Mike Mike fever. Right.  so, you know, uh, anyway, that's how we met and, uh, just went from.

She had no idea what she was getting into. She had no idea what she was getting into. I I've, I, yeah, I, uh, I, uh, that poor poor woman and, you know, I know your wife is the one, you know, had talked to you and said, Hey, you need to get treatment. When did you? Cause I know you said you were a social drinker for most of your life.

Mm-hmm . When did you get into the kind of everyday drinking and how did that whole process go? Yeah, it, it took a long time to figure that out, 

um, and, and do the whole thing. And, uh, so it was a great, it was a great first year. Well, the second year comes and we had some changes with the structure of my promotions that I was offering retail customers. Right. And I said, well, if we do this, we're gonna lose a lot of business. I'm just telling you.

And they said, no, we gotta do it. You know, prices, blah, blah, blah, blah. I said, okay, I'll do it. Well, I did it. And I lost a lot of business. And at the end of that year, I was termin.  for doing nothing other than doing what they told me to do, even though I warned them, what would happen? Well, that's where I, in my head, that's where it started because I was so upset.

Not that I got fired, but why I got fired. And you know, when my wife kept asking me, why, why did this happen? This is why this is what really started it for me. Um, it didn't, didn't start right away, you know, but it, it definitely increas. You know, the, the frequency of drinking and then as time went on, uh, you know, the, the drinking became earlier and earlier in the day, you know, same story that we've, we've all got.

And, uh, yeah, to, to, to the point where it got it, it just got outta control because I was, I was using it as a crutch basically. Right. Um, so that that's, to me in my mind, that's, that's where it all started for me. I mean, it's. It's a, it's just a Testament to what we've already kind of preached, you know, time and time again is the fact that alcohol's no face.

And, you know, for someone like you, I'm not saying that, you know, you didn't have tragedies or, or really any, you know, hard or great life, but it's more of a, it hit you at a particular time in your life that you did not expect it. And that's, what's happened to all of us. You know, you had a great job, you had a great family that you loved and this and that, but you got smacked in the face.

And then all of a sudden it became something that you didn't intend on it becoming. And that's, that's kind of what we're all saying is for me, you know, started in COVID it got worse and worse with a couple other events. And then the drinking got hot, you know, earlier in the day. And then it became every day and yeah, it's, it's a sneaky thing.

It knocked me on my ass. Yeah. Co covered was so. Just because it was total lockdown. I couldn't make appointments with customers, which is what I do. I travel for business. So I'm on a plane all the time. And when that happened, boy, that it really got bad. And, and you. It's good to know, you know, it's good to know why and, and how it happened, uh, because that's exactly what happened.

Um, but you know, the worst part of it, and we've all been there is, is, is the lying, you know, lying to your, to your loved ones. Um, you know, I thought I was a master criminal thief, whatever, not thief master manipulator, manipulator. Yeah. You know, I'm hiding, I'm hiding shit in, in the house. And, you know, to the point where I.

I had, you know, you know what duct work is, right? Yeah. Where air conditioning, duct work. I, I took an Exacto knife, you know, and I slid the back of the thing open the, the wrap around it. And I, I put a plastic bottle in there and, you know, just, you know, cause I knew my wife would never look in there, you know, and uh, stupid, stupid stuff.

Um, and she, she pretty much always caught me, you know? And it goes back to the book review we did, uh, alcohol explained is when we start drinking and when we drink to. As a crutch as Mike had put it, I don't think in our minds, we realize the actual damage that we are doing to ourselves that causes us to be the liars and the master manipulators and becoming so dependent on a substance.

It just, you don't think about it when you start, because.  it's almost unknown. There's not enough. Talk out there about the true effects of what alcohol can do to you and how you end up in these seats that we are in. Yeah. And, and it's kind of scary. How so many of us are alike and Mike, as you said, this, you know, previously, and, and as pat and I have said numerous times, is we all very similar stories.

It doesn't matter really how we got there, but it all ends up. Much the same. And, and that's just another, you know, whenever we got into this group for the first time and I met you after I realized you didn't hate me. And uh  but you started telling your story and I thought, holy shit. Yep. Is that me Mike?

Hello? Like, are you car? Like, it was so similar. It was scary and it, again, it was affirming, but also scary at the same time. And I was just like, wow. I mean, the, we are all very, very much alike. Yeah. We are, you know, you know, what is very underrepresented though in as far as therapy goes and help is for the wives.

And I'm not talking about loved ones, I'm talking about only wives mm-hmm  because, or husbands or I, sorry, spouses. I just say spouses. Yeah, no, I know what you meant. Yeah. Just spouses, because you know, my. When, when, when I was going through this in the very beginning, she's hearing nothing but negative stuff like, oh, it's gonna take two and a half years before, you know, you, and he's gonna relapse this many times and blah, blah, blah, blah.

And she's like, holy fuck. I, I don't know if I wanna deal with this, right? Yeah. Well, guess what, there is not enough therapy for the spouses, just spouses, because she tried to do the stuff here at the facility, but there were mostly kids, uh, uh, parents of kids. Mm-hmm  and, and that's, that's important. But you gotta have just spousal support.

Right. And, and, and I'm telling you, you wanna make a lot of money. That, that that's, that's an opportunity. Well, it, it's funny you say that because I remember when we had the FA a family weekend here, it was a Friday night and then an all day, Saturday and Carson. I remember you telling me about when you were driving home that Friday night, where your wife was just like, what the fuck, man?

yeah, it, it, it hit her like a freight train. I mean, For me in hearing all that we heard now, some of it was new to me. However, I had been in this, you know, at that time, probably for six weeks. Yep. Three days a week, three hours a time as you guys did. So this was almost second nature to me. I was very used to it, but I kind of lost sight in the fact that, you know, my wife, although she had seen it in the forefront from the experience and heard what I had told her, she hadn't really dove.

To this actual experience until then. And she was shook. And, uh, and that's when I really realized that, like, you know, it it's an equal part of the equation for your spouse.  to be able to undergo the same amount of treatment and, and care and, and help that we go through because they've experienced it just in a different light, but it also affects them just the same way.

Mm-hmm . Um, but yeah, you're right pat. I mean, she, she was that I could have said it about it myself.  I'm gonna switch gears real quick. I do wanna talk about your slip a little bit. Can you explain kind of what happened there and then how you kinda rebounded from it? Sure. Um, Had been again, I think two months in, um, was doing great.

Uh, my therapist said I was crushing it and I, I felt I was, um, I. I went on a business trip, uh, in my car, which, you know, my car used to be my, my drinking room, uh, too same. Yeah, there you go. There you go. All three of us baby, and I'm sure a lot of people listening probably said the same thing. So the therapist was obviously very concerned and I drive all the way down to Atlanta, which is about a four hour drive for those who don't know down 85, which is the worst drive ever.

Yep. And two lanes. I get all the way down. I do my business. No, no drinking on the way. Got to the hotel room, had my Stella Greeno water. I was good. You know, watched a couple movies, get up the next day, had a shitty next day though, had to drive to Savannah, then all the way back to, to, um, uh, Atlanta. Right.

Cuz I, I needed to go to, to pick up some samples. So, and the traffic sucked. It was a Friday, the traffic in Atlanta blows. So I finally get home close to home. I'm in the I'm in South Carolina somewhere. I didn't really know where I was. Cause I was taking like back roads off of, off of 85 or 77. Yeah. Going to the upstate, which is like middle of nowhere.

I was in the, you know, and, and all of a sudden the, uh, a light on my dashboard comes on, says I have a. Low air in my tire. I've been driving all day and I'm thinking, oh fuck. Right. And I, so I, I pull off somewhere. It was like a parking. It was, it was a parking lot of a grocery store I pull in cuz I want to get out and look at this thing, make sure I don't ruin the tire and the rim and everything else.

and I look at it and it's it's low, but I know I'll find a gas station somewhere. Well, I'm very stressed because it was low. And I didn't know exactly where I was. And I didn't know if, for sure if there was a gas station, right. I thought there might be, but I, I, I didn't know. And there was a liquor store in the same shopping center with this, with this, uh, grocery store.

Right. And. I went in there and I bought two of those little airline, you know, when you go on the airline on that plane and get two of those little balls, I think they're ounce and a half each. So it's three ounces of alcohol. So I dumped that in my, my fizzy water. Right. And, and I drink it. And for right away, I feel like shit, because one, I hadn't had a drink in all this time and, and two, it did nothing for me.

yeah. I mean, For a big guy like me, I'm six, two, um, to three ounces of alcohol. Ain't gonna do nothing. Yeah. Right. So it was stupid all the way.  and, uh, you know, when I got home, I still had some in my bottle and, and my wife, she, she, she always knows when I drink anyway, but, uh, she, she said I was, I was altered and, and I can't believe that I was, but whatever, and she smelled it and she could smell it in there.

Right. So, so I was caught and, and I fessed up and, and, and that's when I, you know, I texted you guys and just let you know. Yeah. I, I, I royally fucked up and, uh, it was, it. It was a slip. Okay. It wasn't a, a, what do you call it? A, uh, a relapse relapse. Yeah, it just, it was a recurrence. It was a recurrence. It was, I call it a slip only because I knew right away that it was stupid and I knew that it wasn't helping me.

So, yeah. And, and so what I got out of that though, is that I really don't need to lean on this stuff because it's not gonna help. No. Okay. It's gonna make me more stressed. And, and you gotta lie again. Yeah. And then, and then you fall back into the lying and the, which I don't wanna do anymore. You know, it never feels good.

And so yeah, that, that, that's kind of how it happened and, and I'm, I'm actually, I'm kind of glad it happened. Yeah. I'm glad I didn't have a full blown cuz the, the old Mike would've bought a. A leader. Okay. Hit it in my car, drunk all the way home. Right. Hit it at home and gone through the whole thing again.

Yeah. That's the old Mike and Mike didn't do that this time. Yeah. Right. So that's what, that's why I'm, I'm kind of happy. I did. And, and I was, and frankly, after two months I was getting a little cocky, I think, you know? Yeah. And that's same thing. I happened to me my first two times getting sober. Is I got cocky thinking I'm okay.

Yeah. Now I, if I I'm gonna drink tonight and then I won't again for a couple weeks, but the problem is, is that's not how it works for us. Yeah. We just, you can't do that. There is no, as I've been harping on it and I'll keep harping on it. There is no such thing as, as a socialized drinker for us alcoholics.

It does not exist. Yeah. Yep. So, yep. That's, that's basically what happened and, uh, and, uh, I'm I'm better, man for it. Let's put it that way. Yeah. Yeah. And, and again, um, I'm, I'm very happy that you reached out and you know, we're gonna wrap up things here, but you know, in closing with Mike here, I, it's just, it's incredible.

When you talk about the, the support and the community that you need to build for those out there, listening that are in early sobriety or trying to get sober, having that community is so important. , I, the three of us did not know each other four months ago, four and a half months ago. You know, when these two guys joined me here and the comradery that you can find, and it all goes back to, we have. Common theme in our lives and it's alcoholism, and we're able to openly discuss our issues because we've all been there.

You know, Mike has said that Carson said that it's just important. You know, take one thing out of this is getting that support system and, and really find a, a community of support to, to have around. Yep. Mike, thank you so much for coming on the pod today. Um, we really do appreciate not only your friendship, but uh, just your influence on us and, and all the things that you have to say, and that this has been a blast.

So thank you so much. Yes. Thank you, Mike. Uh, we'll have you again sometime. Thank you very much, guys. It was fun.


All right. That interview was brought to you by nobody cause we don't have any sponsors yet. I just wanna give a shout out one more time to Mike, excellent interview with him. Just wanted a, kind of a fun interview for you guys and get a perspective of somebody else early in sobriety as well. Uh, he's been there around me in Carson a lot and, um, you know, just kind of give that.

Give kind of the knowledge that can be gained when you find the right support groups and yeah. And programs and different things to work in your sobriety and, and how you can truly find just great people in your lives to spend your time with. Yeah. Yep. He's a smart guy and, and it's, it's fun to watch, you know, him conquer this as you know, right alongside with us.

So always good. We wanna bring you all kinds of perspectives from really any avenue, whether, you know, folks have dealt with it or, or are in the, in the industry or whatever that looks like, you know, just, it's always good to hear different, fresh new perspectives. So, yep. That was awesome. Yep. And with that, we're gonna wrap up, um, this will be out this Friday's episode, so we'll have something else for you next week.

Uh, two different episodes. If you have any questions or comments. Feel free to email us 12 ounces, sobriety pod, gmail.com. We can find us on Twitter or Instagram, 12 ounces sobriety podcast. Once again, thank you very much and have a wonderful night. Tules.